Jersey Shore cast prepares Congressional intervention, vows to keep nation from going off the “fiscal cliff”

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(This was published on 11/16/2012 at

11/16/2012 11:35 AM Alyson Durden – With negotiations to prevent the country from hurtling over the “fiscal cliff” predicted to fail, and fresh off their efforts to help victims of Hurricane Sandy, the cast of the MTV show “Jersey Shore” have announced a “road trip” to Washington, DC to get the President and Congress to work together. The group hopes to get leaders from both chambers and parties to meet with President Obama and Vice President Biden together for “one hell of a party” to hammer out a compromise that will prevent the sequestration, but also “bring some fun to the process.”

“If anyone knows how to bring people together, it’s us,” said Vinny Guadagnino. “We have navigated six seasons of living in close quarters with each other, and we know what it takes to force people to work things out. I personally got the house to look at art AND history in Italy. As a group we negotiated truces between Ronny and Sammi, Snook and the Situation, the Situation and the guys next door — well, Mike has forced us all to become master negotiators. He can get himself in a fight when he is by himself — does everyone remember when he knocked himself unconscious? I sure do.”

Paul “Pauly D” DelVecchio told us, “Now that Mike quit drinking he has really become interested in fiscal policy, I never knew he had such interests, but he was really the driving force behind our efforts. I didn’t realize how serious this was until he sat me down one night after we’d been partying at Karma and said, ‘If we allow the budget cuts and tax hikes from the Budget Control Act of 2011 to go through, I may go back to doing drugs and drinking, just to help the economy. The housing market has just begun to recover, we cannot allow this.'”

Lawmakers on both sides were eager to meet with the reality stars. Speaker John Boehner was overheard saying, “I cannot believe I get to meet JWow! This job rocks!” And Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz tweeted, “The Jersey Shore summit will be the best meeting ever!” And the White House was not immune to the charms of the pride of Seaside Heights either, as staffers told PTP, “This is going to be awesome. And we were worried these talks would be boring. That Deema is a ‘bast in a glass.’ I hope she brings some of that!”

The only politician not happy about the idea was New Jersey Governor and avid show-hater Chris Christie. “They are not from my state!”


On a serious note, towns like Seaside Heights could really use your help.  Here are some articles about what the “Jersey Shore” cast is doing to help and if you want to help, please check this out:


One and done

Haters (Tony Yayo song)

Dear Snooki, thank you for introducing me to the term.  I am not using it the way you do — your mean you have sex with a guy once and you are done.  When I use it, I mean, you only get to make me cry once.  One time.  One and done. (Caveat:  the Mets make me cry almost daily but they have permission to make me sad.  I know it’s coming.)

I am done allowing haters to influence my life.  Done, I tell you, done.  I am not talking about people who straight out hate me and send me tweets and emails telling me, after reading my blog, things like “I wish something heaving would fall on my head to get that drivel out of my brain.”  That’s from a real comment someone left here.  I love that.  Keep that hate coming.

The haters I am talking about are people in my life who claim they care about me.  They don’t.  They want something from me. Now, in their defense, I like helping people and try to help as many as I can, as often as I can.  I fail sometimes in that but every job or opportunity I have had has been because someone helped me so it feels right to do the same thing for others.  (No, I don’t think I am great or perfect or anything like that, I just like helping people.  There is a great part of the book Dangerous Liaisons, and movie with John Malcovich — Valmont does something nice for a group of people and then tells Glenn Close that people who do good things do them because it makes them feel good therefore they are really selfish so maybe that describes me.)

So, I am cutting the negativity out of my life.  My life has enough on its own, I don’t need you to add more.

Thanks for playing and to answer a question I was asked yesterday, yes — we are done.

Here’s a link to a great video about what I mean.  Thank you, Katt Williams.