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For me, silence is not golden

Is this the universe's way to tell me to STFU?

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE to talk.  I talk all the time.  I talk to my cats.  I talk to inanimate objects such as the TV (news & sports mostly), the newspaper (same topics), my computer, my iPad.  I have even been known to talk to myself if I have to (it’s worse when I am writing but that is often because I read my stuff out loud when checking for typos).  So not being able to talk feels like a fate worse than death.  Well, not quite that.  But I HATE it!

I was whining about my quandary on Twitter last night — I have just recently begun to feel comfortable on stage when this happens, not fair! — and someone suggested  I use my iPad.  There’s an app — Speak It! — that converts text to speech.  You can save phrases and play them back or convert them to sound files and email them.  To make it more fun, I chose a British woman’s voice.

These are the first phrases I saved, you know the ones I use the most often:

1. How the fuck would I know?
2. What are you, on crack?
3. Let’s go, Mets! (seriously, I am an idiot)
4. Fuck you, Fred Wilpon.
5. What-EVER!
6. Motherfucker!
7. That is soooo random!
8. Hello
9. Thank you. (See I can be polite — we all need to say this and the next entry more often.)
10. Please.
11. Did you watch the debate?
12. Herman Cain is awesome.
13. Michele Bachmann should run for president every four years.
14. Have a nice day.
15. Do you have any Fresca?

But then I got to thinking about some other things I like to say (remember: imagine these coming from a British woman):

1. Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Grab my glasses, I am out the door, gonna hit this city. Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack. ‘Cause when I leave for the night I ain’t comin’ back.
2. You just come around here to eat our food and fuck our mother. You motherfucker, you food eater. (Best movie line EVER. Delivered by Keanu Reeves in his first movie, River’s Edge.)

The last one I did was: I have completely lost my voice so I am using this to communicate.  In my new, and hopefully temporary, reality, I have decided to be British.

Part of me thinks this is the universe’s way of preventing me from screeching along to Glee or belching out random Katy Perry songs at all hours of the day and night.  I am sure my neighbors love this development and hope it lasts a good long time.

I know I am being incredibly self-centered and whiny.  I just had a great trip to NYC and want to tell people about it so I keep going to pick up the phone but it’s just not an option today.  Dang!  I want my voice back and I want it now!

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year

(If posts with personal information bother you, leave now.)

Yep, every now and again our friends on the right (and I don’t mean this never happens on the left, it does, I am sure) come up with a non-issue to rile each other up about.  As it is December, the flavor fear of the month is of course, the Democrats’ “war on Christmas.”

I am not sure where this fits on my list of their pet worries that are just paper tigers meant to scare people into thinking liberals are evil.  Is it better or worse than legislation barring sharia law?  Does it piss me off more than the people (you know who you are) who tell me my assertions that Herman Cain was never qualified to be president because he lacks even the most basic knowledge about anything was hypocritical because I like Bill Clinton and he had flaws, too.  Yes, I do like him and yes, he does — we all do.  Apples and oranges or should I just say 9 9 9.

But back to the current outrage.  When people say Happy Holidays they are starting a war on Christmas.  I always say it to everyone because there are more holidays than one, even for Christians.  Even Christians celebrate New Year’s Eve.  But you also don’t always know people religious affiliation, maybe they are all about Festivus or Boxing Day. (Or serious ones like Channukah)

Now, I love Christmas.  For me, it has always been the most wonderful time of the year.  When my parents divorced, my life became pretty chaotic.  Maybe to make up for it, my family gave me three bites at the Christmas apple — Christmas Eve was at my grandmother’s house, Christmas day was at my Aunt Edna’a (is there a law that everyone on Long Island must have an Aunt Edna?  I think there is.) and then we went back to my father’s place for a final round.  It was the only time of the year that I thought the situation was good for me.

It never occurred to me that maybe this is why I love the season so much and I don’t think that can be all of it.  When I grew out of the stage where I could be bought off with toys and candy, my traditions changed but remained really special.  I would go to Minneapolis for Christmas and then on to San Francisco for the rest of my break.  Minneapolis could be one of the best places to spend Christmas.

If you are wondering why none of my fond memories of Christmas have anything to do with religion, it’s because Jesus is not the “reason for my season.”  And I suspect if some people I know read this they will think less of me but it’s time for me to come clean about something.  I am an atheist.  Why would people not like me for admitting such a thing?  I am not sure how my friends from the church I go to will feel about my non-belief of something that means a lot to them.

Yes, I said it.  I am an atheist and I go to church.  I am a complicated person.  That’s why my Facebook profile lists my religion as physics.  I stopped saying the Pledge of Allegiance in the first grade because of the “under God” part.  I wonder now why I just opted out of that part but I was six and it didn’t occur to me until I found out it was only added because of McCarthyism.

So Christmas was never a religious thing for me.  And don’t even bother spamming me with your comments about it being Jesus’ birthday.  He was born in April.  Christmas was set up to take the place of a major pagan holiday.  If you think there is anything Christ-like about cutting down a tree and decorating it, well, you need to read up on your paganism.  And no, my opinion on this is not because I don’t believe Jesus is our lord and savior (though if anyone can explain how he is both the son of God and God at the same time, please I am all ears).

Because Christmas for me is about the season of goodwill and fun, I never understood people who objected to Christmas decorations.  What’s the problem with festive lights and decorations at a dark part of the year?  No, I didn’t get it.

My first real job after college was working for Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA).  She is  Jewish.  At Christmas time, we had a huge tree in the front office and decorations — I think throughout but it’s been a while.  Some staffers were truly offended.  They felt she was abandoning her faith and them.  I asked why and was told that as it wasn’t something they celebrate, the decorations left them feeling left out.  I may be an atheist but Christmas was a huge part of my childhood and finally understood what the big deal is.  I would be lying if I was upset that we kept the decorations up but being a little more sensitive to people from different traditions than me was a good thing.

For the record, my mother has asked me over the years about what my friends are doing for Christmas and I have to remind then that it’s not a something some of them celebrate and she always sounds surprised.  For a few years, we had our own Judeo-Christian tradition.  We did the big breakfast with gifts in the morning and then spend the afternoon at a movie and go for Chinese food that night.

All the uproar over President Obama leaving God out of his Thanksgiving address or having “holiday” parties and the like vs “Christmas” parties is just a whole lot nothing.

And no, Gretchen “black hole of humanity” Carlson, no one gives a rat’s ass what you put in your house at this — or any other — time of year.  Get over yourself.

Note:  I often attend the Capitol Hill Presbyterian Church.  I go for several reasons.  On one occasion where I was having a need for something spiritual in my life I wandered into this church. The pastor, Andy Walton, gives great sermons.  I went back for two reasons, his sermons and the community services they offer — not to get them, I feel I should add, but volunteer for them.  Over the years I had wandered in every now and again but the visit that made me return was last September when I volunteered in their soup kitchen.  That marked the delineation between me stopping in and going regularly.  I like the contemplative nature of his sermons, the ability to help others and the great people I have met.  I have had trouble this fall going because I feel strongly about my person view of religion — not that anyone is wrong, my beliefs are what work for me, if that makes sense. But the juxtaposition of your firm belief and my equally firm disbelief has left me feeling like a bit of a fraud and that is why I have been absent so much.

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The upside of Perry’s incredibly hateful (and stupid) ad

If you have been following the presidential campaign in the US, and it is nearly impossible to avoid it, you know about Governor Rick Perry’s incredibly insensitive, hate filled and stupid ad in which he laments living in a country that gives gay people rights but won’t allow kids to celebrate Christmas.  I find his beliefs that his religion can be justification for such bigotry. (Tomorrow, I plan to publish a post on the ‘war on Christmas)’.

It is disturbing that Perry thinks the best way to increase his chances is by pandering to the perception that all Republicans — especially the social conservatives in Iowa, where same sex marriage is legal, are homophobic.  Can you a candidate putting out an ad in 2011 that said, “I am not embarrassed to be a Christian but am appalled that we allow women to vote and drive but don’t allow our children to pray or celebrate Christmas.” ???  No?  I didn’t think so.  And I don’t think the two topics have anything to do with each other.

But that brings out the good part of the response to the vile ad.  It received at least ten (maybe more since then) more “dislikes” than “likes.”  Republicans are not inherently homophobic.  If you look at polls on the subject of marriage equality, more Americans support it than oppose it — and if you really think it will not be legal in all 50 states within my lifetime, you are, well I wonder what color the sky in in your world.  In mine, it’s usually blue.  Younger people are far more comfortable with the idea than older people but that may be changing, too.  Even his pollster said the ad was stupid.

That pollster was outed by GOProud, a gay Republican organization.  Their comments on that and this are worth reading.  You can get them here.  I think the people who orchestrate these hateful campaign strategies hurt everyone, and when they are so hypocritical about their actions vs. their personal lives, well that is just strange to me.

We have a lot of serious issues that we need to deal with today.  We need to stop worrying about birth certificates or busying ourselves trying to limit our freedoms.  I look forward to the day when we no longer use these tactics and talk about real solutions for the country.  I am confident I will live to see that day.

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The inexplicable Donald Trump

…or “Then they were down to two.”

Even Larry King was intrigued by the Donald's do.

First Newt Gingrich sais he would happily participate in the debate Donald Trump is hosting with NewsMax on December 27. Then the Donald did a round of interviews proclaiming himself the ultimate king-maker and representative of millions (Millions! Check his web sites if you don’t believe him!Note to Mr. Trump, oer your standards the cast of Jersey Shore is qualified to pick the nominee for a major party for the most important job in the country.) before things began to unravel. Rick Santorum agreed to take part but then, one by one, Jon Huntsman, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Perry and the also inexplicable Michele Bachmann declined the invite. Reince Priebus, perhaps the first adult to emerge in a while, said that his support of this train wreck would amount to “malpractice” on his part. Well put, sir.

And for the record, Jon Huntsman was the first to decline and for someone with as much experience dealing with criticism and being in the public eye, the Donald has an amazingly thin skin. Trump called Huntsman’s comments that he “will not kiss his ring or any part of his anatomy” “offensive.” Yeah, Donald, your circus is offensive. That you are still harping on President Obama’s birth certificate — after you said you would drop it once you saw the ‘long form’ version — is offensive. What’s really shameful (and I am part of the problem here but watching him crash and burn twice is truly delicious) is the attention you continue to get and the fact that you are using the job interview to be leader of the free world just another way to get publicity for your reality show. Even the Situation has more class (not much).

All of this leaves me a little perplexed.  Why do we care what the Donald thinks about anything?  We know he likes himself a lot.  A lot more than anyone should.  His official bio describes him this way:

“Donald J. Trump has become the most recognized businessman in the world, and the Trump brand is readily acknowledged as representing the gold standard around the globe. As the pre-eminent developer of quality real estate, his acumen is unrivaled, and the diversity of his interests has set a new paradigm in the world of business. His commitment to excellence is legendary, and his work as a philanthropist is an integral part of his ethos. He is the archetypal businessman, and an icon of New York.”  You can read more of this brilliant rewriting of history here.

I don’t dislike the Donald but when I was growing up in NY, his life was a sideshow for the bulk of the time I was there.  First of all, he didn’t start his business, he inherited a successful one from his family.  He has a remarkable talent for self-aggrandizement but inflates his net worth an downplays his failures (to his credit, a Trump bankrupcy looks very different from most other people’s).  He is great at self-promotion but does that make him qualified to do anything but promote his reality show?