Alyson Chadwick

Writer・Editor・Strategist・Comedian・Activist

Breaking News! Read the letter Trump left for Biden!

This letter was left in the resolute desk by the outgoing president to the incoming president.

Hey, Sleepy Joe;

You did it. You stole the election from the real Americans. Did you know that 75 million real, decent, hardworking American citizens voted for me? That is more than any other sitting president has ever gotten. Ever! George Washington’s ghost was here last night and he said even he couldn’t get that many people to come out! And he was the president smart enough to take the airports to win the Revolution! He won the revolution with the planes and only four people showed up for his Inagural!

Did you see my crowds in Georgia? When you were hiding in your basement, I was talking to tens of thousands of unmasked patriots! And not as many caught the China virus! Only a few died! You never could have won that state without cheating! They LOVE me there! Rudy tells me that every day! And no one knows cheating like Rudy! He can smell out cheaters! They all smell like me!

Sleepy Joe, I did things no other president — no, things no other person has done before! I put America first! I built a long beautiful wall! I added 12 miles of wall! Sure the border is two thousand miles long but those were the most vulnerable 12 miles! Ask Steve King! All of the caravans were headed for those 12 miles and I closed ’em up! And Mexico will pay! I sent them the bill just yesterday!

During my beautiful administration, the most beautiful ever, we didn’t start any new wars overseas! We put America first so we only started wars here! Look at the Capitol! When has it ever been so full of military? Never! I am so loved — more loved than anyone in history. I am so loved that patriots tried to kill my vice president! They must have known he was a pussy before I did!

When I took office four years ago, all I saw was American carnage. Now, you have 400,000 less people to worry about and that number is growing. The China virus was a hoax but we got vaccines! Beautiful vaccines.

Goodbye, Sleepy Joe. Drink some coffee, you’ll need it.

President Donald J. Trump, the greatest person to ever live.