Friends don’t let friends butcher the English language

English language

The English language is beautiul.

Over the weekend, a friend gave me a book written by an acquaintance of his. Before I go into what I thought about it, writing a book is a major undertaking. I have nothing but respect for people who follow through with this. This particular book was self-published. I see no issue there. There was a day when that was a bad thing but NOT TO ME.

This book broke my heart on just about every level. I had to look up the plot online because there is so much exposition and it was so poorly constructed I couldn’t follow it. As a lover of the English language, it felt like that author took it, beat the pulp out of it, microwaved it, ripped it up, and beat it some more. Rather than make this into a rant only about how bad this book is, I am going to offer my suggestions on basic stuff:

Alyson’s writing tips:

  • They are lazy. Use a better verb. There are rare times when you can use one but the fewer you use, the tighter your writing will be.
  • Stick with one name per character. For example; if you have a character named Anthony Rebbi, call him Anthony or Tony but don’t go back and forth. Bonus: use their full name when you first mention them and then whichever name you like for the rest of the book/story.
  • Don’t be redundant. If your character has an annoying habit, for example, just show them doing whatever they do. For example, you have a character that swears a lot. You don’t need to write, “Kelly likes to swear.” Just write her dialogue with a lot of curses. SHOW DON’T TELL!
  • Learn the rules of basic punctuation.
    • Quotation marks are not a way to add emphasis. You can do that by using the bold or italic fomatting options. Quotation marks used for emphasis give the reader the wrong impression. For example, I spent the weekend acting in a murder mystery. Another actor played my “husband.” See that shows he wasn’t really my husband. If you see a sign for “sushi,” it is probably not real sushi. If you need more information on quotation marks, check this out.
    • When using quotation marks, be careful where you put commas and periods. It is “I told you I hate dentists,” she said. “They have always scared me.” Note the period and comma sit inside the quotation marks, not after.
  • Use spell check. This is the easiest thing you can do to make your writing clearer. As a bonus, you can get a grammar check which will keep you from having sentences that omit words. This is a common issue that makes your prose make little sense. You can also use Grammarly. Great (and free!) service.
  • Get your dialogue right. Can you see what is wrong here?
    • Shelley answered the phone, “Hello she said. Do you want pizza?” You can approach this in a few ways but that is not one of them. This can be, “Hello,” she said. “Do you want pizza?” It can be in the course of a total conversaion and the whole “she said” can be dopped. Including it mid dialogue as was in the book, is just wrong.
    • “I was thinking we should go to Montauk” he said. You need a comma after Montauk and before the second quotation mark.
  • Use an editor. I was emailing back and forth with a journalist who admitted that due to budget cuts, he did all of his editing and made mistakes as a result. If you are writing on your own like that, you really need to use Grammarly. If you are looking to publish a book, or something else that matters to you, get someone who is experienced at editing. You may have a best friend who “gets you” but that person is crucial for your success (or failure) here.
  • Stick with one verb tense. Unless you are going back and forth with flashbacks or maybe images from the future, you need to be consistent here.

Writing resources that rock:

And if you want, I can always help.

If you don’t have your health…

even kitty have health issues

Never take your health for granted

Wow. Before my hernia surgery on January 21, I was expecting to go in on Friday, undergo an operation that would take about an hour, and be home in the afternoon. That was NOT even close to what happened. Instead, the surgery was like three hours and I went home four days later.

It has taken me nearly seven weeks to get back to feeling “normal.” I was sleeping like 14 hours a day for about a month. And because my mood is directly impacted by my energy level, I have been a bit depressed since this all started. My sense of self-worth is often determined by how productive I am and it’s hard to be productive when you are sleeping for 14 hours a day so I was kind of depressed from that. I am never going to have energy again. Of course, that’s not true but if you had asked me about that a week or two a go, I would have said that you are nuts.

The good news is I am feeling nearly normal now.

Random things I have been thinking about…

Of course, I have been watching what’s happening in Ukraine and my heart is with the people of that nation but there are a lot of hours in the day and I think about other things from time to time. Here are some of the things on my mind this week:

  • What did God actually sacrifice when Jesus was killed? Now, I am not a Christian and maybe I just feel like the idea that Jesus Christ is our savior is pounded into me from all sides, all of time, and that has me iritated. Maybe it is that this never occured to me before but — he came back to life, according to the myth, a few days later. So, if you really believe all of this nonsense, shouldn’t you see that being dead for three days isn’t a big deal? Please tweet me to tell me what you think (@AlysonHChadwick)
  • How do Republicans who voted against convicting Trump in his first impeachment trial sleep at night? Back in the days of Trump, President Zelensky begged him for defensive weapons and we all know now that Trump was all only if you investigate Joe Biden… Now these same fuckheads senators are all about how much they support Ukraine. Really? When did that start? I know that in the pre-Trump world, support for Ukraine was not partisan.
  • We think Congress can get nothing done but two weeks after the Russian invasion of Ukraine started, a bill is ready to be passed imposing a ban on Russian oil. Thirteen months ago, the Myanmar military took over that nation and has killed about 1,400 protesters since then. In the spring of 2021, Congress began talking about a Burma Bill. It was introduced in October. That was five months ago. Why the wait? Every day, the junta kills its own people. If you want to tell your member of Congress to support this, please click here.

Walking in a winter wonderland…

it's winter in Stony Brook

Our first snow of the winter!

I used to love snow. It was pretty and fun to play in and sometimes, I got the day off from school! Now I am not such a fan. Back then, I didn’t have to deal with the roads or shoveling or, well, shoveling is the worst part.

One winter, when I was a little kid, the house next to my grandmother’s (where I live now) was used as a mental hospital of sorts. A psychiatrist had her patients in the mansion next to my house. One of the patients got a knife and stabbed another. The injured man ran to our house and rang the bell. I am not sure what happened then. What I do know is that I was not allowed outside and when we left the house I had to go out the back and walk to Bennett Lane to leave because it had snowed and the snow in front of the house was bloody from the stabbing next door.

I didn’t know about any of this then. Judy, my grandmother told me about it all much, much later.

The Internet’s a crazy place…

I was looking for info on the house next to mine when I found this. My mom was in the Peace Corps back in the early 1960s. I had never seen this before today. Crazy!

Got plans for tonight?

If you are on Long Island and ready to have some fun, you won’t want to miss this show.

Tonight, January 8 at 9:00 pm (doors open at 8:00), Round Two Pub in Ronkonkoma!

Where were you on January 6, 2021?

January 6

January 6th was a terrible day, did we learn anything?

Unlike, September 11, 2001, January 6, 2021 is a Rorschach test of sorts. People who believe the majority of the media and government accounts of the 2020 election results, see a violent would be coup. People who don’t see that day in a different light. Former President Donald Trump has had several opinions about that day and the people involved. They were patriots who care about the nation. They were “deadbeats” and a few bad apples. They were really Antifa. The best he has said was that this was a “false flag.”

As you probably know, I am on the side of the people who think it was an attempted coup. I keep hearing people say it wasn’t really a coup attempt because the people were not very organized and it failed to change anything. If an incompetent person tries to murder someone and fails, it is still a crime. It’s called “attempted murder” and people go to prison for committing it.

This country has the ability to look into these kinds of events and crimes. After 9/11, Congress held hearings to look into what happened and no one called those hearings partisan. The initial hearings into what happened in Benghazi made sense but the GOP went too far.

As someone who has lived (for a long time) and worked on Capitol Hill, it was hard for me to watch the mob storm the building. If we cannot really investigate what happened and how to prevent it in the future, we will lose our republic.

Why has the NRA not embraced Daunte Wright?

When Kyle Rittenhouse, 17 at the time, went from one state to another with his AR-15, he was breaking the law. People on the right embraced him immediately after he shot three people. When Daunte Wright, pulled over for having an expired registration and a air freshener hanging from his mirror and then nearly arrested for a warrant for not having a state license for his gun, was killed, they were no where to be found. Why?

The NRA is always complaining about regulations on gun ownership, where were they complaining that Wright’s Second Amendment rights were under attack? This is just more proof that you can get away with a lot if you are a white, straight man in the United States.

Do you have resolutions for 2022? You can read about mine here.

Hello, 2022!

2022

How did you say goodbye to 2021 and hello to 2022?

Say hello to 2022! Were you up watching Andy Cohen get hammered and tell off Bill deBlasio? Maybe you watched Myley Cyrus experience a “wardrobe malfunction.” I did neither. I ordered a pizza (peppers, onions & mushrooms) and did a Zoom show. Then I went to sleep. Well, I went to bed and watched The Truman Show until I fell asleep. No ball dropping for me!

Also, my neighborhood was very quiet. I think I heard some fireworks this morning but nothing on New Year’s!

The new version of Windows has turned me into my mother

She has been upset with the updates to Windows and other applications she uses. I don’t normally have an issue with them. Things change all of the time. Why get upset? Well, I am not thrilled with the updates to Windows. I gave in to the pressure to update a few days ago and am not all that happy with the results.

Anyone else feel that way? I sure hope that is not some indicator of how 2022 is going to pan out. If it is, we all need to hold on because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. I can kind of understand how frustrated my mother gets.

Movies I was told were great but left me wondering what all the fuss was about

Someone I know told me that Eyes Wide Shut was Stanley Kubrick’s best film. He also said it was the “most dense and most cryptic.” I watched it last night. What am I missing? I know I am so late to the party that it ended but this will be on my mind until I write about it to here goes.

  • First of all, the timing was all wrong. Tom Cruise’s (Bill) character finds out about the death of the woman who rescued him from the orgy by reading about it in the newspaper. The woman was sent to the hospital that morning. That is not enough time to get it into the paper he is reading. I think if the movie took place over a longer time period a lot more would make sense. It’s only 48 hours.
  • Then, they leave a lot on the table. Bill goes to the orgy party after Nicole Kidman’s Alice tells him she saw a Naval officer when they were on vacation and was so enamored by him that she wanted to give up her whole life. Bill becomes obsessed with cheating on her and goes to the orgy party but … who are these masked orgy people? We get the sense they are the rich and powerful elite (Jeffrey Epstein anyone?) but we never really learn who they are. If you introduce a gun in act one of a play, you need to use that gun in act 2. That never happened here and I was left feeling it was a lot of mental masturbation without the climax.
  • Everyone in this movie wants to have sex all the time. Bill is nearly seduced by two people at the party the coupe goes to at the start of the movie. Alice is nearly seduced by a mysterious man at the same soiree. When Bill goes looking for the friend that got him into the orgy, the hotel guy practically falls over himself wanted to sleep with Bill. I get it. The core of the movie is the sex cult but do we need to be hit over the head with it? Kubrick thinks so. I do not.
  • The teasers for this movie all feature the Chris Isaak song, “Baby did a bad, bad thing” but what bad thing did these people do? Alice looks at a hot guy and has a dream of being unfaithful (which makes her feel super guilty and she tells Bill all about it). Bill goes to an orgy party and thinks about being unfaithul (at the party and with a prostitute) but he doesn’t actually cheat. He also confesses to Alice what happened. What bad thing did they do? Be human?

This movie took forever to make and runs a very long time and yet it was totally empty. Someone, tell me what I am missing because I just don’t get it. Best Kubrick film? Hardly. Though I thought 2001 was boring, it was better. And then you have to compare this to The Shining and A Clockwork Orange and I don’t know how anyone thinks this was better.

Maybe you can explain it to me. Leave me a message in the comments if you want.

I know that movie came out in 1999 (a great year for movies) but I am often slow to watch certain things. Next week, I will review movies from 2000. In 2041, I will review movies from 2022.