Author Archives

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Of mice, Mets and Mormons

When I first heard Pastor Robert Jeffress’ comments on Governor Mitt Romney, I thought that his comments were over the line. Religion should not be a factor in electing people.

But then I heard him on Hardball (no, Chris Matthews, this is not the first election since 1960 that religion has been influential. It is never not. Were you asleep when people said they think President Obama is a Muslim?) Matthews brought article 6 of the US Constitution as a reason the Pastor has no right to use his religious beliefs in deciding the person he prefers would go to the White House.

Chris Matthews was wrong. The pastor has a right to use any litmus test he wants when making that decision.

And then I got to thinking. Has there ever been a Met fan in the White House? No, we have not. In the future, I am not going to ignore all issues and will vote for the Met fan over ANYONE else. Pro-life Met fan? I’ll vote for you. Anti-science Met fan? I will vote for you? Crazy GOP Met fan? (and here, I worry that Michele Bachmann may call me on this). I will vote for you.

If you don’t get my humor there, I am sorry.

As much as I love the Mets, I would not do that. And my own view of Mormonism makes me uncomfortable because I read “Under the banner of heaven.” But it doesn’t mean I would not vote for someone who is Mormon. I would just prefer they stop coming to my house on the weekend. There are at least two Democratic Mormons in the Senate. Senators Tom Udall (CO) and Harry Reid (Nevada — you know the MAJORITY LEADER). I would gladly vote for either of them.

I am not going for Mitt Romney because he is a Republican and I am a Democrat (and I like President Obama) but Pastor Jeffress has a right to make whatever decisions he wants to make.

Our US Constitution is my favorite document and it does a good job of helping us run our government. We need to stop using is as a reason to bash personal vs. goverment views. Where the government cannot tell you not to express your opinion (my favorite amendment is the first), I still get to tell you to STFU if I think you are wrong. Similarly, the government cannot impose litmus tests on candidates, you still get to choose them based on whatever criteria you have. You also get (and I am going with my favorite amendment to defend someone the Pastor) to promote your candidate on any criteria he decides.

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Wanna see my stand-up?

There’s good news! You can! I just got back from NYC and am all about stand-up. You can check out my new YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/user/hobbesdurden, channel name — Hobbes’ House of Soap) or… you can come out and check me out live.

Thursday 29 September @ 7:30, The Comedy Spot in Ballston, VA. 4238 Wilson Blvd, Arlington VA. http://www.comedyindc.com/

Tuesday 4 October: Still TBD but I will either be at Tonic near Foggy Botton or Solly’s on U Street.

Wednesday 5 October @ 7:30 pm (doors open at 6:30): Pardon the Pundit live comedy contest at the Arlington Cinema Draft House. If you can only make one of my shows this year, PLEASE make it this one. I need your help getting to the next round!

Thursday 6 October @ 8:00 (doors open at 6:30): Red Lounge on U Street, 2013 14th Street NW.

Friday 14 October @ TBD: I will be somewhere.

(Note: I plan to go to NYC to do some stand-up near Halloween and will be at Bar 82 but the details have yet to be worked out.)

Sunday 6 November @ 8:00 (doors open at 6:30): Makin’ Whoopie benefit for “Suited for Change” at the DC Improv Comedy Lounge (1140 CT Avenue, NW).

Friday 2 December @ 8:00: DC Improv Grad Showcase at the DC Improv Comedy Lounge (1140 CT Avenue, NW).

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Meet the Huntsmans!

This song should be sung to the 1962 Tune “Meet the Mets:

Meet the Huntsmans, meet the Huntsmans, step right up and greet the Huntsmans!

Bring your kiddies, bring your wife, guaranteed to have the time of your life!
‘Cause the Huntsmans are really hitting their stride, taking the country side to side!
East coast, west coast everybody is coming down to meet the Huntsmans of Utah town
Oh the butcher and the baker and the people in the streets, where do they go? To meet the Huntsmans!
Oh they’re hollering and cheering and jumping in their seats, where do they go? To meet the Huntsmans!
Oh the fans are true to the Mormons and you, should hurry up and come on down cause we got ourselves a moderate, Jon Huntsman from Utah town!

Give ’em a shout! Give ’em a hand! And let ’em know you’re rooting in the stands!

Come on and meet the Huntsmans, meet the Huntsmans, step right up and greet the Huntsmans!
Bring your kiddies, bring your wife, guaranteed to have the time of your life!
‘Cause the Huntsmans are really hitting their stride, taking the country side to side
East coast, west coast everybody is coming down to meet the Huntsmans, the Huntsmans of Utah town of Utah town!

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PR Stories from Hell

The first rule of PR is, don’t lie to your PR person.
The second rule of PR is, don’t lie to your PR person.

The other day was the birthday of a journalist I know and am friends with. I like him well enough, he’s a nice guy but I gotta admit his name still strikes horror into my heart. Abject horror.

Several years ago I was a communications director for a US Senate campaign. My candidate had started as a Democrat but then switched to the GOP and went back. While a member of the Republican party, he donated a lot of money.

I was having a rough day anyway. We had gone to an event and he and one of the GOP candidates for the seat showed up at the same time and press was there to capture it all. The two men embraced, I tried to get between them but I am 5’6″ and they were well over 6′. Wasn’t gonna make a difference. A prominent political paper ran a photo of it on the front page. Not the image you want when voters are unclear about what party you are in. The second bad news was that a typo in an email had gotten us into another publication. Truth be told my first thought was ‘wow, if I knew it was that easy to get into that pub, I would have done it months ago!’ (we also had a name recognition problem) but my fellow staffers were not so pleased and rode me all day.

At the end of the day, things were looking up. A pleasant reporter from a TV station, I think you already know it’s my friend, came in and did what seemed like a reasonable interview and looked to be a good thing. I was excited to watch it when it came one.

Everyone whose day is going well, step forward. Not so fast, Alyson!

The end of the interview revealed something new. The candidate had underestimated the amount he gave the GOP as a member. He told me (and provided paperwork) that it was about $70,000, which is a lot to a lot of people but it was off by a factor of ten. My friend’s segment ended with this figure $700,000. I called and asked where he got that number and ge faxed me over the paperwork. It was solid.

I was just floored by this mistake or lie or whatever.

And the final rule of PR, if this is your first campaign you have to not lie to your press person.

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The art of the possible

Another broken record appeal


I complain about Washington, DC. The DC Metro sucks. The infrastructure is falling to pieces. The state of what we call political discourse makes me want to poke my own eyes out. Oh, and had to go to the CVS and some creepy, smelly guy stood way too close to me and was growling. Dude, can’t a girl get some space? Last point, we had a scary earthquake and now a crazy hurricane is coming our way. What next? Frogs? Locusts? Glenn Beck will hold another crazy fest on the mall and his minions will take over my favorite coffee place and I’ll have to get my caffeine at the totally ghetto Starbucks that frequently runs out of coffee?

Rant mode over.

And then, just when I think the best plan is to move to a farm in Wyoming, something spectacular happens; I look at the Capitol Building and all that negativity just vanishes. I remain in awe of the amazing thing we have created here. When we tear each other down by attacking each other’s patriotism or motives, we don’t just hurt our political opponents but we diminish our creation and ourselves.
My entree into this glorious world of campaigns and politics happened when I was eight. Funny story: I was at the Hawk n’ Dove waiting for a friend and the manager, Paul, asked me about this. I replied that I had started by volunteering to unseat the evil Conservative Party (not GOP, mind you, but Conservative) from the first district of New York — Bill Carney. The man next to me said, “That’s me.” — He proved it by showing me his Congressional ID. Open mouth, insert foot. We are now friends.

When I was eight, I canvassed, I handed out flyers, I stuffed envelopes. On election night as we watched the returns, the areas I canvassed had a higher turnout for our candidate, George Hochbrukner (a hard name to spell but a great one to remember!) than other areas and I was sure that was because of my hard work. He lost. He lost the next election and was elected to Congress only when Bill retired. He quit when he could no longer go for a beer and have a conversation with his opponent. It wasn’t fun anymore. He thinks civility in this business is a pipe dream.

I don’t believe that. When I worked in the Senate, I felt a bond with all over staffers. We all were there, working crazy hours for next to no pay because we believed we could make a difference. The real difference between the two parties is not that one is more patriotic than they other or believes more in God. We all want to get to the same place, we just have different paths to get there.

I read on Conservapedia that Jefferson Smith from “Mr. Smith goes to Washington” was a Democrat. They also see it as demonizing Republicans. I don’t believe that. I refuse to believe that this movie was a partisan statement. It was a call to remember that politics really is the art of the possible.