Category Archives: Random

Breaking news! This JUST in! Extra! Extra!

This is a photo of me kissing the Blarney Stone.  Kissing the stone gave me the authority to let you know, no one knows anything about that missing plane.

This is a photo of me kissing the Blarney Stone. Kissing the stone gave me the authority to let you know, no one knows anything about that missing plane.  Crashed squirrel agrees.

Drop everything!  Pay no attention to the Crimea vote!  Ignore the foot of snow that is pummeling your city!  Experts now can reveal they know nothing about the missing Malaysian plane!  Moreover, we may never know!  As this is clearly the biggest story since the Lindenburg baby, all cable news stations will devote all their time to this story. Is anyone else sick of this?  I hate to be all callous and do sympathize with the people whose loved ones were aboard (and I share the curiosity) but how much money are we spending to learn the fate of 239 people?  How could these resources be used to help, I dunno, the people of Syria? Of course, my main concern of the day is the rain that is coming down on my current home town.  My first thought when I woke up was the excitement that comes only from knowing the universe has finally found a way to remove the piles of bird shit that covers my car.  My life is full of excitement. And if you are in the Gainesville, Florida area, I will be performing at 1982 on Tuesday night. Last thought:  Kudos to Guinness for dropping out of the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Manhattan.  The official parade committee refused to include the Stonewall Inn and Guinness released a statement: “We were hopeful that the policy of exclusion would be reversed for this year’s parade. As this has not come to pass, Guinness has withdrawn its participation.” Back to your regularly scheduled programming…

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What would Squirrel do?

[corner-ad id=1]Judging from this photo, we can all see what she would do.  She would nap.  So would I but my horoscope today said I need to get more done so I thought I would come back to this site and do some work on it.  A lot has happened since I wrote here last and this has

Hobbes and Squirrel are busy cats with places to go and things to do.

Hobbes and Squirrel are busy cats with places to go and things to do.

been a very strange few months.

For instance, if you are in the Washington, DC area, you may have noticed (or not) that I haven’t been around.  There’s a good reason for that — I have been in Florida.  I am sure I will eventually go into the reasons and whatnot but that isn’t going to happen today.  Today, I am all about rambling.

So, about a month ago, I packed up my belongings and headed south to Florida.  If you are wondering how to make such a drive even more fun than it already is, do it with two cats.  If you don’t have any cats, they LOVE to travel.  LOVE IT!  They share their love of the open road by screeching as loudly as they can for as long as they can (and they have quite a talent for doing this so they can keep it up a LONG time).

Before I came down here, I used to say that this area was where “hope and happiness go to commit suicide.”  I am in a college town and unless you are going to school here, your options for things to do are limited.  I may have been a little off as I have met a lot of cool and interesting people.  Of course, they are more interesting after a few Jamesons but who isn’t?

Some things I have learned of late:

Campaigns and political parties should join in 21st century.  When I was eight, I started volunteering on a congressional campaign.  We called people and went door-to-door.  A few weeks ago, I started volunteering for a local candidate and they were doing the same thing.  Who has a landline these days?  Who answers it?  Granted, people who vote in midterm or special elections tend to be older, whiter and more conservative than in other elections.  Among other things, those are also adjectives that could be used for Floridians and people with landlines but there has to be a better and more effective way to reach people.  The local Democrats lost most of their races due to poor turnout.  One area race was pushed to a runoff, their best showing this time around, and they should work differently to win it.  My advice: you have a finite amount of time your volunteers can spend working for you, make it count.  Don’t have them call strangers — have them reach out to people they know.  Send them to shopping centers and have them stand on street corners in highly visible spots.  Someone on MSNBC described Republicans as being “Blockbuster in a Netflix world.”  We need to avoid that trap.

Tetris makes everything better.  One of the first things I did when I got here was look into the local comedy scene.  Lucky for me, there is one!  One of the places I go has Tetris and nothing relaxes me more before a set is some of that.  I also found a great workshop with local comedians and go to that once a week.

Warmer can be better.  If you have noticed, Washington, DC has been hellishly cold this winter.  One morning my bathroom was 36 degrees and I was less than pleased.  Really like not wearing a hundred layers when I leave the house.

Other developments:

  • Am driving a Ford Fiesta (haven’t needed a car in a long time) and have developed a hatred of birds.  They shit all over the car and wake me up every morning.  Little fuckers.
  • The people at Publix are nicer than the people at Safeway.
  • The cats love Florida.

Well, that’s enough for now.  My goal is to write here every day but that’s probably not going to happen.

 

 

 

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Things I suck at …

[corner-ad id=1]I have been thinking all day about the things that I am terrible at doing.  Clearly, number one on that list has to be keeping this page current.  Seriously, you’d think I never did public relations or anything.  Sheesh!

But as I get older, I find I am getting bad at a lot of simple things, like putting my clothes on.  I have left the house at least twice this month with my shirt on inside out.  Really.  That must look really professional.  And that’s not the only task I mastered at four or so only to lose later in life.  Do I know the difference between left at right?  I do.  Do I get this correct?  If you’re talking about the political left and right, sure, I am all over it.  If you mean the directional left and right, I have no idea.  It comes in really handy when I give directions and get them wrong.

What day of the week is it?  Don’t ask me, I never know.  Oh, and I also sometimes will think it is two different days of the week at the same time.  Yes, you read that right, at the same time.  For instance, I will operate like it is a Tuesday for the purposes of meetings, calls and appointments but for social things will think it’s Thursday.  It makes so sense.  I think it may be the same brain function that allows me to be scared of Mormons while loving Steve Young.

And one thing that I am super bad at is knowing how much time has elapsed between now and when something happened.  Was it five minutes ago or did it happen when I was four?  Who can tell!?!?  I know it happened, isn’t that enough?

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Mayor Bloomberg Asserts Owning Poodles Lowers Crime

Mayor Michael Bloomberg thinks the controversial “stop & frisk” policy is the reason for the drop in crime in New York City.  I don’t buy it.

 

Please check out this post on his press conference today.