Remembering Joan Rivers

English: Joan Rivers at Musto's 25th Anniversary.

Yesterday, Hollywood threw Joan Rivers the memorial service she said she wanted.  It was full of celebrities and celebration of her life and humor.  I never got to see her perform in person, nor did I ever get to meet her.  Yes, I am selfish enough to feel badly that I never will.

Jimmy Kimmel said that she was not just a role model for female comedians but for all comedians.  I think that is true but comedy is very much male dominated.  A DC area comedian Valerie Paschall has a joke about that.  She says that the women comics had a drinking game; we would drink every time a comic told a dick joke but we’d be drunk before the first comedian’s five minute set was over so we stopped. (Trust me, she does a funnier job with it on stage).

Rivers acknowledged the difficulties women face in comedy.  She didn’t say it was harder, per se, but different.  Her presence on the scene — and her last stand-up performance was the night before she had that fateful throat procedure — paved the way for a number of women to join her.  Kathy Griffin, Sarah Silverman, Tina Fey… the list goes on and on.  Comediennes who destroy the myth that “women just aren’t funny.”

I started doing stand-up about four years ago in Washington, DC.  I had always wanted to try it and wasn’t sure how so I took a class at the DC Improv.  Comedian Chris Coccia taught “Five Minutes to Funny.”  I have been performing ever since and LOVE IT.

Thank you, Joan.  We will miss you but luckily, you have us more than 50 years of footage to keep you alive for generations.  You will continue to inspire all of us to reach beyond what we think we can do.  You may be gone but will never be forgotten.

 

Top Five Political Fails for the Week of August 24, 2013

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A San Diego radio station put this up as their message to Bob Filner.

 

Yeah, every week is a crazy one in the rough and tumble world of politics.  This is a roundup of some of the fun pundits had watching their favorite sport.  You can read that here.

And some bonus content readers here:

Near Fails:

1. Sarah for Senate?

Wasilla City Hall in Alaska

If Sarah had stayed here, comedy writers all over the country would have been denied her awesomeness. Wasilla City Hall in Alaska (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Conservative columnist Bill Crystal knows what Sarah Palin needs to do to get her gravitas back (did she ever have any?).  She needs to run for the Senate!  Yes, he thinks she should run against incumbent Democrat Mark Begich in Alaska next year.

Read more here.

Now, I would like to see a Palin Senate campaign because it would be hilarious.  I write satire and it would be a gift from the heavens for me (oh, Christine “I am not a witch” O’Donnell, please run for something else, we miss you!) but I don’t think she has the stomach for real policy.  Quitting her day job ten minutes after she lost in 2008 made that pretty clear.  She doesn’t want to make a difference, she wants to make money.

Read more here.

This is a near fail because it’s never going to happen.

 2. Liz Cheney’s Goes Fishing

When Liz Cheney moved back to Wyoming to run for the Senate (challenging another non-liberal, Mike Enzi) she did what she thought she should do — get a fishing license.  The problem?  You need to be in the area at least a year to get one legally so she lied on her application.  She paid a fine but blamed the clerk for making the mistake (her application said she had been a Wyoming resident for 10 years).  Enzi is ahead in the polls and apparently, Wyoming residents take this kind of thing seriously.  Take home message: don’t lie on your permit applications.  Read more here.

 

 WIN!

It’s not all bad. This isn’t a political story but a win nonetheless.  Antoinette Tuff’s quick thinking saved the day when a gunman entered a school in Georgia.  This could have been Sandy Hook all over again but it wasn’t.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t27sSMoYSjI

 

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Happy Easter (for reals this time)

If you are so inclined, I hope your Easter celebrations were good.  My day was destroyed by the devastating news that Justin Bieber‘s monkey was confiscated in Germany.  He apparently did not have the correct paperwork for his pet, who is now in quarantine.  This is all true, you can read the story here.  Side question: what is it about fame and fortune that makes people go completely insane?  For Bieber, and I speak from personal experience from my days at RCA Victor (no, not with Bieber), I blame his handlers and the record company execs who treat him like he shits gold.  I worked with artists who completely sane and normal when they started with us and as they asked for things — and got them — they became more and more self centered, whiny and just bat fucking insane.  I was a publicist and I had artists call me at home (and on my cell) pretty much any time they felt so inclined.  Just getting in from a night of partying and you want to know what your Soundscan numbers are?  Just call your publicist.  She doesn’t need to sleep.  PS.  Dear Mr. Bieber, while you are on top of the world now, in a year, or five, no one will care who you are so make sure your financial advisors don’t suck because your music career has an expiration date and I think someone should tell you that.  Don’t take my word for it, ask  someone you trust and who doesn’t depend on you for their living.  If you don’t have a person like that in your life, and you may not (Lindsay Lohan clearly doesn’t either), buy one, rent one, find one on Craig’s list, just do it.  You’ll thank me later.

Luckily, my day was saved by news about this invention.  What is it?  A toothbrush that plays music.  What music?  One Direction was mentioned in the ad I saw.  I MUST GET ONE IMMEDIATELY.  Anyone who knows me knows I love brushing my teeth (seriously, I wake up at night and sometimes get up to brush them), so add One Direction to my tooth brushing, well, it is a glorious time to be alive.  Glorious, I tell you!  Glorious!

Other thoughts from today include…

Who writes the copy for Safeway frozen dinners?  I am lazy and cooking just is too much a lot so I do eat frozen food a lot.  I like the Safeyway dinners because they are decent and cheap but I happened to look at the back of their fettucini alfredo, the description reads “A Delicious Classic with a Delightful Ending” (capitalization is theirs).  What is that all about? You know what that says to me, “If you like it going in, you will love it coming out.” Nothing makes me excited about food like the expectation of an awesome crap later.  To think I thought eating the food was the fun part!

Oh, on my Daily Banter page, which you need to check out right now, I mentioned a humorous story about my mother – and this is one where she doesn’t look bad so I don’t have to worry about that (at least not right now).  When I first moved to Washington, DC, I lived with my mother and her husband.  A few months later, a group of my friends came to DC to attend a pride rally.  They were mostly lesbians, which is only relevant because of what happened when they rang my mother’s door and their reaction.  You see, we also had a family friend visiting and he liked to walk around naked.  He was sleeping on our couch when they rang the bell and naturally answered the door and he was, as usual, naked.  My friends, who may not have seen a naked man in a very long time were not expecting that – “Are you sure this is Alyson’s mother’s house?” They asked.  He assured them that is was and brought them in and then tried to rouse me (it was 7:00 am on a Saturday and I had been out late the night before, yes, I was hungover, sue me).  Then they all sat uncomfortably in the living room.  When my mother returned from the store, her surprise was at my friends’ arrival and my friends were surprised by her reaction to his nakedness, which was no response at all.  Anyway, I was proud of her that day.  Still wish I didn’t have to come out as straight every Christmas but what are you gonna do?

And as it is Easter, I am watching the Wizard of Oz.  This means my obsession with the munchkin suicide.  I don’t care if the “myth” has been debunked, I think it is real.  Please watch this video.

The icing on my day was having to call Comcast as the old cable box I had made me choose between having a picture or audio.  They actually asked me “Which do you want, picture or audio?”   Uh, both?  Anyway, after getting a new box and spending hours dealing with them, it still doesn’t work and after getting the account number, serial numbers for both boxes and more information than I give my physician, they said if I did not give the social security number of the account holder (not mine but I would not give it if it was our of principle) they would “find it hard to believe” that I am authorized to have them send a signal to the box.  I asked the representative what they were thinking.  What, am I part of some crazy gang that breaks into houses and fixes their cable?  Yo, Pete, put down that computer, these people have terrible cable reception, we need to fix this.

Oh, and while I am being random…  I saw three deer in a neighbor’s yard yesterday.  I nearly fainted and thought it was great.  Great, I tell you!  Great!  Then my landlord told me that DC has a new program where sharp shooters can kill deer in Rock Creek Park to reduce their over population.  I never saw Bambi (really, and no, I have not seen ET either) but they looked like her and may meet the same fate (I hear she is shot at the end, talk about a reason not to watch a movie or show it to kids — hey kids, wanna watch a movies about a cute animal that you will love?  Warning: they kill that cute animal at the end. And people think the movies about serial killers I watched as a child were disturbing).

But I have digressed from celebrating Jesus’ rebirth.  I love that what we do for this doesn’t have anything to do with Jesus.  I mean I love peeps as much as the next person but were marshmallows around when Jesus was alive?

Seriously, I hope you had a great day and if this day has meaning for you — I wish you the best.  And I mean that sincerely.

How will you deal with Jon Stewart’s hiatus?

How will you deal with Jon Stewart’s hiatus?

English: Jon Stewart at Barnes & Noble Union S...

English: Jon Stewart at Barnes & Noble Union Square for the launch of Earth (The Book), the 2010 book from the writers of The Daily Show (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Satire piece about liberals’ response to Jon Stewart’s decision to take time off from The Daily Show to direct a serious movie, Rosewater, about a journalist held captive in Iran.

I like this picture of Jon Stewart because he is wearing a Mets hat and I love those stupid Mets.