Friends don’t let friends butcher the English language

English language

The English language is beautiul.

Over the weekend, a friend gave me a book written by an acquaintance of his. Before I go into what I thought about it, writing a book is a major undertaking. I have nothing but respect for people who follow through with this. This particular book was self-published. I see no issue there. There was a day when that was a bad thing but NOT TO ME.

This book broke my heart on just about every level. I had to look up the plot online because there is so much exposition and it was so poorly constructed I couldn’t follow it. As a lover of the English language, it felt like that author took it, beat the pulp out of it, microwaved it, ripped it up, and beat it some more. Rather than make this into a rant only about how bad this book is, I am going to offer my suggestions on basic stuff:

Alyson’s writing tips:

  • They are lazy. Use a better verb. There are rare times when you can use one but the fewer you use, the tighter your writing will be.
  • Stick with one name per character. For example; if you have a character named Anthony Rebbi, call him Anthony or Tony but don’t go back and forth. Bonus: use their full name when you first mention them and then whichever name you like for the rest of the book/story.
  • Don’t be redundant. If your character has an annoying habit, for example, just show them doing whatever they do. For example, you have a character that swears a lot. You don’t need to write, “Kelly likes to swear.” Just write her dialogue with a lot of curses. SHOW DON’T TELL!
  • Learn the rules of basic punctuation.
    • Quotation marks are not a way to add emphasis. You can do that by using the bold or italic fomatting options. Quotation marks used for emphasis give the reader the wrong impression. For example, I spent the weekend acting in a murder mystery. Another actor played my “husband.” See that shows he wasn’t really my husband. If you see a sign for “sushi,” it is probably not real sushi. If you need more information on quotation marks, check this out.
    • When using quotation marks, be careful where you put commas and periods. It is “I told you I hate dentists,” she said. “They have always scared me.” Note the period and comma sit inside the quotation marks, not after.
  • Use spell check. This is the easiest thing you can do to make your writing clearer. As a bonus, you can get a grammar check which will keep you from having sentences that omit words. This is a common issue that makes your prose make little sense. You can also use Grammarly. Great (and free!) service.
  • Get your dialogue right. Can you see what is wrong here?
    • Shelley answered the phone, “Hello she said. Do you want pizza?” You can approach this in a few ways but that is not one of them. This can be, “Hello,” she said. “Do you want pizza?” It can be in the course of a total conversaion and the whole “she said” can be dopped. Including it mid dialogue as was in the book, is just wrong.
    • “I was thinking we should go to Montauk” he said. You need a comma after Montauk and before the second quotation mark.
  • Use an editor. I was emailing back and forth with a journalist who admitted that due to budget cuts, he did all of his editing and made mistakes as a result. If you are writing on your own like that, you really need to use Grammarly. If you are looking to publish a book, or something else that matters to you, get someone who is experienced at editing. You may have a best friend who “gets you” but that person is crucial for your success (or failure) here.
  • Stick with one verb tense. Unless you are going back and forth with flashbacks or maybe images from the future, you need to be consistent here.

Writing resources that rock:

And if you want, I can always help.

If you don’t have your health…

even kitty have health issues

Never take your health for granted

Wow. Before my hernia surgery on January 21, I was expecting to go in on Friday, undergo an operation that would take about an hour, and be home in the afternoon. That was NOT even close to what happened. Instead, the surgery was like three hours and I went home four days later.

It has taken me nearly seven weeks to get back to feeling “normal.” I was sleeping like 14 hours a day for about a month. And because my mood is directly impacted by my energy level, I have been a bit depressed since this all started. My sense of self-worth is often determined by how productive I am and it’s hard to be productive when you are sleeping for 14 hours a day so I was kind of depressed from that. I am never going to have energy again. Of course, that’s not true but if you had asked me about that a week or two a go, I would have said that you are nuts.

The good news is I am feeling nearly normal now.

Random things I have been thinking about…

Of course, I have been watching what’s happening in Ukraine and my heart is with the people of that nation but there are a lot of hours in the day and I think about other things from time to time. Here are some of the things on my mind this week:

  • What did God actually sacrifice when Jesus was killed? Now, I am not a Christian and maybe I just feel like the idea that Jesus Christ is our savior is pounded into me from all sides, all of time, and that has me iritated. Maybe it is that this never occured to me before but — he came back to life, according to the myth, a few days later. So, if you really believe all of this nonsense, shouldn’t you see that being dead for three days isn’t a big deal? Please tweet me to tell me what you think (@AlysonHChadwick)
  • How do Republicans who voted against convicting Trump in his first impeachment trial sleep at night? Back in the days of Trump, President Zelensky begged him for defensive weapons and we all know now that Trump was all only if you investigate Joe Biden… Now these same fuckheads senators are all about how much they support Ukraine. Really? When did that start? I know that in the pre-Trump world, support for Ukraine was not partisan.
  • We think Congress can get nothing done but two weeks after the Russian invasion of Ukraine started, a bill is ready to be passed imposing a ban on Russian oil. Thirteen months ago, the Myanmar military took over that nation and has killed about 1,400 protesters since then. In the spring of 2021, Congress began talking about a Burma Bill. It was introduced in October. That was five months ago. Why the wait? Every day, the junta kills its own people. If you want to tell your member of Congress to support this, please click here.

Do you know about”National Kiss a Ginger Day!”

I am a ginger

Gingers are the best

Did you know that yesterday was National Kiss a Ginger Day? Well, it was! According to the website:

The red hair gene is recessive and requires two copies for it to present itself. Even then, there is no guarantee it will. If both parents have the gene, there is a 1 in 4 chance they will have a redheaded child.  Most natural-born redheads (yes, some of us like the bottle) have brown eyes, followed by green or hazel. Coming in at 1% of the world’s population, the blue-eyed ginger is the rarest kind. So if you give one of these ginger’s a kiss, consider yourself lucky.

National Day Calendar website

If you are wondering, and I am sure you are, I fall into the “rare” category as I have natural red hair AND blue eyes. According to the webpage that describes redheads, many gingers feel like outcasts. When I was growing up, I did feel that way. Not so much because I had red hair but because of the pale skin that came along with it. When I was a kid, the thing everyone wanted was to be able to get a good tan. I have never been tan in my life. I turn red, then it peels and I am white as a sheet again.

That was always a struggle for me. I tried to get tan. I dreamt about it. On more than one occasion, I laid out in the sun with friends. To make matters worse, one time I did as my friends did and got super sick. We spread tin foil out on the ground, dowsed ourselves in baby oil and fried. I have never been that sick from just being outside. On my first visit to Cape Coral, Florida, where my best friend lived, I could barely be in the sun, it hurt so much.

Redheads need more anthesia

I did a paper on this when I was at Georgetown. The American Society of Anethesiology put out a report confirming that people with natural red hair need more anthesthisia than people with other hair colors. This was the first time such a correlation was found. This all comes from a defect in the melanocortin-1 receptor. Other indicators of the defect are pale skin and freckles.

Now, I have experienced this. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I woke up in the middle of the surgery and was not happy about it. I can assure you, I will mention this when I have surgery next week.

My happy season

happy season

Thanks to the game last night, my happy season is back

As a Met fan, baseball season often turns into something of a sports Bataan Death March (no, not really but you get the point). For years, my happy season was football season. I am also a 49er fan. (I was born in San Francisco and grew up mostly on Long Island but spent a good deal of time in the Bay Area). By winning their game against the Rams, my happy season is back!

When I was a little kid, I was daddy’s little girl all the way. He loved the Mets and 49ers, so I did, too. He also loved the Oakland Raiders and I grew up loving them as well (that ended when they left for Los Angeles). He may also have been a Jet fan but I hated the Giants and Jets (I have no idea why). I only think he must have liked the Jets because I found a bunch of glasses with the Jets helmet on them. I gave them away.

Last week, I went out to watch the Niners play because I couldn’t watch it at home and I was pretty confident they would win because of who they were playing. This week, I was grateful I could watch at home because I don’t like to watch big games where my team isn’t in the best position. I wasn’t convinced they could win yesterday.

And what a game! I know it is too violent and have mixed feelings about the game in general but football can be a beautiful game. Last night, it was amazing! Now, I may not feel that way when they play the Cowboys (I hate the Cowboys!) but right now I am super happy.

Squirrel Montana & Moose Wilson

I love watching sports and getting all worked up over the games. I feel like it is very cathartic. During the pandemic in 2020 when there were no baseball games, I didn’t think it bothered me but I wasn’t sleeping well and then baseball was back. After watching one game and getting all worked up, I slept like the dead. As the narrator in Fight Club said, “Babies don’t sleep this well.” I think that movie offers a lot of insight into what people get from watching sports.

When describing the fights in Fight Club, the narrator says, “When the fight was over, nothing was solved, but nothing mattered. We all felt saved.” Watching sports is kind of like that for me. I get really into it. I love and hate passionately but when it is over, it doesn’t matter. If my team wins or loses, nothing in my life is different. I am different.

There is a quote that is often attributed to the Dalai Lama, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” In addition to the pain we all experience, life is annoying. There are so many things that happen in our lives that just add aggravation. When I first watched Fight Club, the thing that attracted me to the story was the everyday annoyances we all experience that lead to violence. I was working as a temp at the time. Between the annoyances that accompany that job, dealing with the Metro, looking for a full-time job, etc. I could relate to the need to blow off some steam. No, I never got violent because that’s what I have sports for.

I watch and get really into the games. I ride the roller coaster that is a baseball season for Met fans because it is so cathartic. It’s also why my cats are named after athletes. Joe Montana and Mookie Wilson. Both had a huge impact on my youth.

Watching horror movies and reading scary books provide a similar experience. For many people, and this is one reason this genre is so popular, these stories give us all a chance to face our demons in a safe environment. The killer is always defeated (even if only temporarily) and the emotional release is great. Now that I am thinking about it, and it may have already been obvious to you, that is why people ride those roller coasters I referenced in relation to the Mets.

Back to life, back to reality

The holidays are officially over and people around here are taking down their holiday decorations. That makes me sad, as it does every year because it is so dark here so early. Having said that, I need to get cracking on my resolutions. One is to work harder on my writing but the other is to work against genocide. You can read more about both goals here.

Where’s Mr. Smith when you need him?

Where's Mr. Smith when you need him?

We need more Jefferson Smiths today

This time of year, many people watch the classic film It’s a Wonderful Life. I am as much of a fan of that movie as anyone but my go-to Frank Capra movie has to be Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. If you haven’t seen the film, you should watch it as soon as possible, it is about a naive youth leader who is appointed to fill a vacant U.S. Senate seat. Jefferson Smith is selected because his naivete would make him easy to manipulate.

Things don’t go as planned for the corrupt politicians who want Smith to just go along with whatever they say and he takes to the Senate floor to object.

And this country is bigger than the Taylors, or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don’t get lost once they come to light; they’re right here! You just have to see them again.

Jefferson Smith

We need people like that in government. People who still believe that politics is the “art of the possible.” We need fewer people who think the only goal that matters is staying in office, getting more money and power, and think party politics are more important than doing the people’s business.

When I was a little kid, my goal was to bridge the gap that exists between people and the government. Yes, I was a strange child. While I felt that way years before I ever heard of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, that was my goal. I started volunteering on campaigns on Long Island when I was about eight years old. I went door to door, passing out literature for local Democrats. In a two to one (or three to one) Republican area, this took some gumption. In fact, one thing that has never wavered for me is my commitment to progressive causes and candidates.

It would be easy to be depressed about the state of things in our government and in politics. On the anniversary of the attempted coup, it is important to point out that storming the capitol and beating up the police there is not the way to change things. I have no idea what to do to get us all reading from the same book, but have we ever really all agreed on anything?

Half of the nation thought owning people was a good idea for centuries. In 2020, Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) called slavery a “necessary evil.” That just shows how two people can look at the same thing and think very different things.

It is lazy to think that the only way to change things and make them better is through violence. The hard work is less exciting. We all need to pay attention to the government and to act when we need to. By act, I mean, protest, write letters, write letters to the editor, write op-eds, plan events that raise awareness. The most important thing we can all do is vote.

And white privilege isn’t a thing?

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Hell-Texas) got himself into trouble this week when he called the rioters from 1/6/2021 “terrorists.” Tucker Carlson was having none of that and Cruz had to go on his show and defend his comments? Huh?

Add the fact that Senator Ron Johnson (R-Stupidville-WI) had some interesting things to say about the day.

“I knew those are people that love this country, that truly respect law enforcement, would never do anything to break the law, so I wasn’t concerned. Now, had the tables been turned — now, Joe, this will get me in trouble — had the tables been turned and President Trump won the election and those were tens of thousands of Black Lives Matter and Antifa protesters, I might have been a little concerned.” 

Senator Ron Johnson on The Joe Pags Show

What kills me about this is when people of color protest by taking a knee or taking to the streets, I often hear people — most often on the right — say things like, “They aren’t doing this the right way.” I have friends who say things like that. During the height of the #BlackLivesMatter protests in 2020, a friend posted (she was responding to a post that made it look like Antifa protesters perpetrated acts of vandalism), “We’ll treat you like humans when you act like humans.” Who gets to decide what is and is not “human behavior?”

When the protesters surrounded the White House, then-President Trump wanted to use the military to break up the crowds. He did use it to move people out of Lafayette Park (across from the White House so he could do a photo op in front of a church. Contrast that with what happened on 1/6/2021 and if you aren’t seeing the hypocrisy and racism, you aren’t paying attention.

The take-home message, as it always seems to be, if you are white, you can get away with just about anything.

Want to carry a weapon across state lines when you are a minor? If you are white (Kyle Rittenhouse), feel free! Want to carry a gun without a state permit and then drive with an air freshener hanging from your mirror (Daunte Wright)? We will kill you!

It’s a good thing that white privilege is not real.

We live in a scary world. I wrote this a few years ago about the things I think we should be scared of this.